We didn’t have much big travel this past year (check out my 2025 Travel Recap post), only traveling domestically, usually for fast overnight mini-adventures. This was the case for two big reasons:
- We are actively, aggressively reducing our annual spend to reach some big savings goals in the next few years (which sadly means less travel, womp womp)
- We hosted a foreign exchange student!
I want to share our experience with you because it’s been so wonderful. Sadly, it’s coming to an end very soon. 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 Our teenage son will be returning to his family in Spain in less than one week. January has passed in a blur (compounded by my four-day work trip mid-month), but we’ve snuck in as many last minute experiences as we can. We want the end of his stay to be as memorable as the beginning.
(Click on any photo to read a caption.)
Why did we want to host a foreign exchange student?
I have always wanted to host a student, for as long as I can remember. In fact, I just found an old journal entry from 2008 that mentions it! I have always thought it would be a life-enriching cultural experience full of growth-opportunities.
Sometime after Justin and I got married, I told him: “After we have a kid, and that kid is in elementary school, I want to host a foreign exchange student.”
We had a kid in 2019, and when that kid was in kindergarten, I said: “Guess what! We have a kid! And he’s in elementary school! Let’s sign up to be a host family!”
He said, “Oh! You were serious!”
Heck yeah, dude. I play the long game. 😉
What was the process like to become a host family?
Choosing an exchange program to work with
I started researching our options for host agencies in the fall of 2024. After a lot of googling and Reddit forum reading, I had narrowed down a list of four different agencies. I spoke with representatives from each agency to ask questions and get as many details as I could. I learned that all of the agencies operate in basically the same way with similar processes and policies. The primary difference had to do with what foreign entities the agencies engaged with and where the students might come from.
For example, all programs/agencies have to work through the Department of State and then coordinate with study abroad programs/agencies in other countries. Some participate in programs that only work with certain countries or only work with low-income students. Some offer half-year programs but many don’t.
Because all of the programs were so similar, we chose ASSE simply because we liked our area representative the most. Heather has been doing this for over a decade and was not only full of wisdom and experience in hosting, she just vibed with us – similar values, worldview, enthusiastic attitude and approach to life. Frankly, we just liked her. And since you work closely with the area representative, we decided that was the most important factor in choosing our program.
Applying to become host parents
In November of 2024, we filled out a lengthy application quantifying our lives so we could be assessed and hopefully deemed appropriate for hosting. The application asked for expected things, such as ages and hobbies of all family members, work history, location of and details about the home, as well as some photos of the family and family culture details and personal preferences. For example, did we care what country the student came from or what language they spoke? We’re not religious but would we be willing to host a student who was? We’re not LGBTQ+ but would we be willing to host a student who was? The application also asked why we wanted to host and what our goals were. We were detailed and transparent in our responses to provide as clear a picture of who we are as a family, since the area representative then uses your information to play matchmaker.
We had signed up for a half-year program instead of the full-year, so our choices would be limited. Most exchange programs only offer full-school year duration. Many of these offered merit-based scholarships to students, and required many hoops for the students to jump through not only to earn the opportunity but also many boxes to check during their time here (such as special projects or volunteering requirements). The programs that offered half-year options were usually self-pay students, meaning that they would most likely come from more privileged families in Western Europe. To be totally honest, this worked for us since this was our first time hosting – we wanted to dip our toes in, start in the shallow end. A half-year goes by fast, so if it sucked, it would only suck for five months. And hosting a kid from Europe would mean potentially less culture shock and possibly an easier transition into becoming a “family”.
After a background check, a small application fee, and a home visit (to ensure we weren’t inviting someone to live in squalor), we were approved to host!!! 🎉
Choosing our Student
Then in February 2025, student applications started coming in. Heather advised us to choose a student sooner than later simply because half-year students get snatched up fast; there just aren’t that many of them. We were prepared to pick quickly, though we were hoping for a boy from a Spanish-speaking country. 🤞
Heather kept us updated about the applications she was receiving, and said she would only send us ones that she felt would be well suited. Since we were doing a half-year, she wanted a great match so the transition period would be as short as possible. She usually advised families to do a full year since it can take several months for everyone to settle into the new dynamics and life.
The first few applications seemed fine – some guys and gals from Italy, but they didn’t seem like obvious fits. We wanted to wait for some more options before choosing.
Then, Heather sent us an application of a boy from Barcelona, Spain. His name was Pau, he was 14 (would be turning 15 over the summer before he arrived), had a younger sister, played basketball, and liked movies. The photos included in his application showed a social, fun-loving, happy kid. His father is German, his mother Spanish, and they live in Catalonia so this kid speaks 3 languages natively. English is his 4th! He has a big Spanish family, seems extroverted, and used to chaos. This one felt good.
While the families get to make the initial choice, the final decision is the student’s. They can’t choose where they go within their chosen country, but they could choose to say no. Most students won’t say no, however, unless the fit feels really off simply because there’s no guarantee they would get chosen by another family and could miss out on a singular opportunity. We felt fairly confident that he wouldn’t turn us down but the chance still remained.
We confirmed that we wanted to choose this student, trying not to get our hopes up or too attached to the kid on the page. But a couple weeks later we received the good news: he said yes!
How did we prepare to host a foreign exchange student?
Preparing the home
One of the few requirements for hosting a student is that you provide them three meals a day and a room with a window and a door that locks as well as a quiet place to study. We have a guest room, but due to how our house was added on to in the past, it is an interior room without windows (it has two doors though lol). So, we had to swap the guest room with Skyler’s room, letting guests now have a window and putting Skyler in the larger interior room. He was less than thrilled when we first proposed this in March, but we talked it up and made it sound exciting – look how much extra space you’ll have to build legos! – and after the big swaperoo, sent photos to Heather to prove that Pau would not be sleeping in a dungeon.
Preparing ourselves
We took a lot of solo time in the months before the exchange began since we knew we’d have less down time during the fall and winter, and would need to be present for two kids not just one.
We tried preparing Skyler by talking about having an older brother and how it would be different. He would have to share a bathroom, clean up more after himself. They’d have to do things together, take turns doing things the other wanted to do. We tried getting him excited, and for a while he did seem to look forward to having someone to play with him on his level (which is not something we do with him; together, we’ll play card/board games or Mario Kart, go on adventures, watch movies, read, go for walks, etc. but we dont sit down and play creatively with him the way kids need to play with other kids. Luckily he has a lot of friends at school and very sweet aunties who will spend hours indulging his imagination).
Preparing the student
After our hosting was confirmed, the next steps were all behind the scenes backend stuff at ASSE. We weren’t yet allowed to contact our student since the paperwork wasn’t all finalized and he still had to get his visa. I think it was mid April that we were finally given the green light to reach out.
We started with email and then switched to WhatsApp. We set up a group chat between Pau, me and Justin, and communicated solely with him. We were not allowed to directly contact the parents. We would be his legal guardians while he was with our family, in our home, so we needed to establish a parental relationship with him, on his own.
These sorts of programs give kids the opportunity to really practice independence. I think this would be a challenge for a lot of American kids and we learned that it can be a challenge for kids from many countries where they have controlling parents and aren’t used to doing things without parental involvement. We heard and read many stories of kids who struggled taking on any responsibility, communicating honestly with their host family, and ended up having less than ideal experiences.
We don’t spend much time with teens, and he was going to be freshly 15 upon arrival, so we weren’t sure what to expect. We reflected a lot upon how WE were at 15 and mentally prepared for moodiness, emotional immaturity, and eye-rolling. But then we also knew this kid was actively choosing to participate in this program and take on the challenge of this opportunity, so he’d have to be somewhat game. I was fairly mature at 15 but wouldn’t have had the nerve to go live with another family, let alone one in a country where I was not fluent in the language. That takes some real hutzpah, which I deeply respect.
I wanted to help ease the transition for Pau as much as possible, so we communicated with him a lot prior to his arrival via WhatsApp. We also did a WhatsApp video call with him and got to meet his parents and younger sister. (Funny side note: Apparently the whole family was thrilled when Pau found out he was going to Nashville. I guess Music City USA has a grand reputation over in Spain as a real “it” city and “hip” place to be!)
And then in the most Leslie Knopeish of tendencies, I sent Pau several “onboarding” documents to provide information to help orient him to life with the Schwannemas. (Go ahead, make your jokes lol)
The first was an introduction to who he was going to be living with: his Nashville family – us, my parents, our local crew, and the cats. The second was an introduction to where he was going to be living: the city of Nashville; our neighborhood, Donelson; our house and his space within it. The third was an introduction to how he was going to be living here: important dates (such as fall break) and planned social events (such as birthdays and holiday celebrations) during his time here, plus a typical week in our house. The fourth was an introduction to our family culture, including a list of house guidelines and expectations. The final was a questionnaire for him, to help us get to know him: what is life like at home? What are his favorite and least favorite domestic duties? How does he spend his free time? What are his family dynamics like?
Were we nervous to host a stranger in our home?
A little bit but not as much as one might expect. We host visitors often and have been home exchanging for 10 (!) years, sharing our home with total strangers. We also have always had a “more the merrier” attitude about welcoming people we don’t know into our home all the time – when you’re here, we want you to feel comfortable, at home, and like part of the fam.
So we weren’t nervous or worried about having a stranger in our home. It was more just the unknowns of adding a new semi-permanent dynamic. Would we all like each other? Would we get along? Would the teen think we were dorky middle-aged people? Would my Broadway music annoy him?
We’ve also been living as 3 people in our house for so long, we didn’t know what it would be like to have a 4th person here full time. Even though we love having guests stay with us (friends and family, please come visit!), everyone eventually goes home. So it became very important to not think of our exchange student as a visitor but as our child, part of the family.
I think our biggest concern was making sure that we each still had alone time. With just one kid (who spends a lot of time with other family members), the three of us are used to having a lot of solo time. We often have quiet week nights where we each do our own thing – Justin may watch football, I may read or write or play Planet Coaster, while Skyler may build legos or make up stories in Squishie Town. Without enough downtime to be by ourselves in our heads, we can all become crabby. But thankfully, our new family member was also keen to have downtime and didn’t mind lazy nights at home watching TV or movies as a family.
What did we do with our foreign exchange student?
Everything! As host parents, we were encouraged to treat Pau as part of the family and not like a guest, meaning that he should have domestic duties and be considered one of our kids. We did this – and he leaned in to his part as well, thoughtfully unloading the dishwasher or taking out the trash without being asked, willingly playing with Skyler even when he was moody, etc. – but we also wanted to make his time here extra special since it was a brief, once in a lifetime opportunity to experience American life.
So we packed our schedule with more activities than usual (though maybe not too much more…. Y’all know me, I get bored and restless lol).
We brought him along for some of our favorite local attractions (riding the train into town to walk around and explore; the Parthenon and Centennial Park; Putt Shack, Top Golf, the National Museum of African American Music).
We did things that we’d been meaning to do as a family (walking through Percy Warner park; revisiting Huntsville; attending the Wilson County Pow Wow; hosting a New Year’s Eve party again).
We made sure to go all in on the special things we do throughout the year (Halloween, Thanksgiving, an over-the-top faux bougie dinner party for our friend’s 40th), as well as quintessential American experiences (a high school football game; Waffle House; Costco; Bucce’s, beer pong (without the beer, don’t fret)).
One of the most special things we did was take an overnight trip to Memphis to attend a Grizzlies game. When we found out that not only was Pau a huge basketball fan but that he really wanted to see an NBA game, we knew we had to make it happen – and it was such a special night for all of us!
We also just lived life together. Boring nights at home. Laundry and dishes. Basketball practice. Grocery shopping. Taco Tuesdays. Caesar salads and baked potatoes on Wednesdays. Face masks and baking banana bread. Sunday Night Football. Hot tubbing and walks down to the library. The Floor and the Great British Baking Show. Card games and Mario Kart on the N64. Events at Skyler’s school. The boys spent the night at my parents’ house several times and we shared all of our favorite movies with him, including Nolan’s entire catalogue and all of the Christmas classics he’d never heard of. We visited my uncle in the hospital and visited our deceased relatives in the cemetery on Day of the Dead. We went to the movies and let Pau babysit on date nights. Just a regular family living a regular life.
Of course, being such a likeable, social person, Pau made friends fast and easily, so we also made sure he had time for his own social life. Coming from Barcelona, where he had a lot of independence, able to get himself and his younger sister to school and around the city via public transit, Pau was used to doing things on his own. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a super walkable area – and he quickly learned just how spread out everything is in a car-dependent society – but we still tried to give him as much autonomy as possible. He could walk to the local high school, and a friend loaned us a bike. He joined the local YMCA for a few months so he could play basketball until he could join the school team. He spent the night at friends’ places, confidently getting himself around town by Uber when we couldn’t drive him somewhere, and even took the bus into town with friends one day (I know this is not an unusual activity for kids in urban areas, but in Nashville, it’s uncommon). He also got himself a girlfriend (with a car!) late in his stay, so she picked him up and drove him around a lot too.
Pau also introduced us to elements of Spanish and Catalonian culture. He brought sweet treats from Spain for us to try and made a gorgeous paella for my dad. He also introduced us to the New Year’s Eve grapes tradition, and brought us both an el Caganer and Caga Tio (which we are so integrating into our holiday traditions). Because his family life is so multicultural, we learned a lot not just about Spanish culture but also Catalonian and German culture (specifically Bavaria). It was an absolute delight!
What were the biggest challenges and best parts of hosting a foreign exchange student?
During our onboarding as a ASSE host family, we heard a ton of horror stories and received much advice on handling challenging situations: don’t avoid conflict; address problems early; over communicate to set expectations, boundaries, and guidelines. We’ve not yet lived with a teenager and it’s been a couple decades since either of us was one. We were prepared for awkward conversations, cringe moments, and leaning into tough conversations.
And we didn’t have ANY of that with Pau. He is such a mature, disciplined, responsible and thoughtful teenager. (We need his parents to write a parenting book! lol) We were able to have open communication with him, and he was so eager to be part of the family that he made it easy. Within weeks, he felt like a family member, and we really enjoyed having that teenage energy in the house. Everyone in our friend group loved him right away, as well.
I think a lot of it was just an excellent match made by our ASSE representative, Heather. She spent a lot of time getting to know us, and has been doing this for like ten years so she knows what to look for and how to place the right students with the right families. She brought us a smart, independent, social student who grew up spending time with adults, is used to an annoying younger sibling, and was down for any experience. A perfect fit for our family <3
Challenges
The biggest challenge was honestly our 6 year old. He’s an only child and did not take well to sharing our attention. Like I said, you can only prep so much; you can’t really know something until you experience it. And none of us were prepared for how hard it would be for Skyler to adjust to having an older brother. 🙁
He was moody, insolent, and many times downright mean towards Pau. It caused a lot of frustration for us as parents, but thankfully the teenager seemed unbothered by it and didn’t take it personally. Eventually, they had some really great interactions that helped turn the tide and Skyler actually started enjoying the teenage attention; it helped that Pau was game for anything, from playing card games with a moody child to playing “Spooky Cave” with a flashlight and stuffies under the blankets.
The Best Parts
Falling in love with a new family member and having this sweet boy be so embraced by our friends and family. We’re going to miss him so much. Skyler’s aunties have adopted Pau as their nephew, my parents have a second grandchild, and we forever now have another son, who we hope to see many times in the future.
My mother-in-law and her husband even came to visit for Thanksgiving and invited him to come visit their farm. Pau’s family has already invited us to stay with them in the city or in their coastal vacation home, and we’ve already invited them to come visit us here. We will always cherish relationship we have with him and will hopefully nurture it for decades to come!
Would you host a foreign exchange student again?
Yes!! Absolutely. I want to wait a few years, though, until Skyler is older and more emotionally mature, but I definitely want to do it at least once more if not multiple times. I would love to do it again when we’re empty nesters too.
You should host a foreign exchange student!!
If you have ever even briefly entertained the idea of hosting an exchange student, let me encourage you to JUST DO IT!!!! 🙂 Yes, there can be challenges, but it can also be so incredibly rewarding.
You gotta go into it with a growth mindset, an open heart, and a willingness to add the potential for discomfort or awkwardness. You also need good communication skills and an extra dose of patience. If you’re too rigid in your routine or uncomfortable with change, then the suddenness of having a new family member could be jarring.
If you are interested in hosting a foreign exchange student, let me know so I can put you in touch with our ASSE area representative so you can learn more.
I’m also happy to answer any other questions y’all might have. I’m an open book!
Other Questions?
Let me know what other questions you may have about hosting a foreign exchange student so I can keep this post updated with useful information!
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